Warning: This is a totally nerdy blog post!

I’m getting more and more concerned that I’m turning in to a Windows fanboy!

A couple of months ago I got new laptop which had Vista pre-installed. Convinced I would hate it I tried to get the IT guy at the office to put XP on instead. Unfortunately it wasn’t possible so I had to get to grips with it.

To my increasing horror, I actually found that I was liking Vista more than XP. After a week I was converted and now I’ll never go back to XP.

I can’t understand why Vista got such a bad name - there is nothing wrong with it! It’s fantastic to use, more user friendly, easier to navigate and very fast!

Infact, Microsoft suspected it was the anti-Microsoft hype that was causing people to have a bad opinion of Vista (and to be fair, that’s what my opinion was based on), so they set up an experiment in San Fransico with 150 people who refused to use and upgrade to Vista because they thought it was so bad. Microsoft told them that they would be trialing their brand new operating system, the successor to Vista.

The result?

They all loved it.

The best part?

They were actually using an out of the box copy of Vista.

Conclusion?

People’s hate of Vista is based on media biased.

If that doesn’t make me sound like a Microsoft fanboy, I don’t know what will!

But it gets even worse.

Recently I lent my phone to my buddy in India. A Nokia N73. I really liked that phone. I had it for two years. I lent it to him for one day and he manages to lose it.

Sidenote: This is not the first phone he has lost, and it wasn’t the first phone I even lent him. He runs a multi-million dollar company, but since I’ve known him, he’s lost 3 phones.

Anyway, since he lost my phone, with all my contacts, all my photos (including the first match at Wembly!), all my notes, everything, he was only right and proper that he bought me a new one.

The phone I chose was a HTC with a touch screen, there’s no keypad, everything is done by touch. My buddy wanted to get my an iPhone, but there’s just something so wrong about it. Everyone seems to love it so much, and it’s considered cool to have one, but to me when everyone wants something, it loses it’s ‘cool’ appeal.

Anyway, back to the HTC phone. It runs Windows Mobile, which I was aprehensive about because everyone knows Nokia has the best usability and easiest navigation. However, once again, Windows exceeded my expectations! Windows Mobile 6 is great to use, the whole touch screen is really intuitive and even better, it makes me cooler than an iPhone user because not everyone has a HTC phone!

Me, a Windows fanboy? Never! Umm.

(sorry for the totally nerdy post guys!)

OK, this is a completely non-relevant post, infact, you can ignore it because it’s a rant at the insane stupidity of the excuse for professional business, otherwise known as the Student Loans Company.

If anyone working abroad will testify, you have to let the SLC know that you are working abroad. This is all fine and dandy, they send you a form asking you how much you earn in your local currency and you send it back. All very civilized so far.

Where it get’s uncivilized, and where the Student Loans Company shows itself for the evil money grabbing company that it truly is, is when they come to calculate how much you need to repay them.

As any ex-student from the UK will tell you, you don’t need to repay any amount until you start earning £15,000 or more. You pay 9% on every £1 over that amount. That’s fair enough. £15,000 is a reasonable amount to live on, and it’s only 9p in a pound that you are being taxed on. If you earn £25,000 a year, you are talking just £900 a year, or £75 a month. It’s a pain, but not unduly unfair.

However, the way the thieving bastards are making the money is on us ex-students who are working abroad. Not only do they reduce the threshold to silly levels, they also swing the exchange rates in their favour - massively in their favour! I’m not even sure where these scumbags have pulled the exchange rate from, they are using a rate that no one else in the world is using!

Take my position, for example. I’m living in India.

According to XE.com the current exchange rate is:

1.00 GBP = 85.6317 INR

According to the cretins at SLC, they are using an exchange rate of:

1.00 = 61.50 INR

It’s over 25% less than the official exchange rate. This balloons my ‘equivalent’ GBP wage to the stratosphere, and it’s on this fantasy figure they are calculating how much I should repay.

In the UK, my wage here in India wouldn’t even meet the threshold, and yet, they are charging me as though I’m earning the equivalent of £27,500 per year. That’s insane! I’m being asked for more money that all my mates in the UK, despite being on a fraction of their wages - honestly, can anyone explain the logic?

I’m seriously considering asking for a pay cut so these money grabbing thieves don’t get a penny out of me. Bastards.

Update: It’s official, the Student Loans Company is trying to screw over overseas students. I recieved an email from them today where they finally stated the exchange rate they are using - after 4 attempts, they finally managed to answer my question. I can now see why they were unwilling to answer the question. Check out this extortionate exchange rate:

Official Student Loans Company Exchange Rate: 1 GBP = 60.75 INR

One of the things you learn to live with in India is their love for noise. Any noise. As long as it’s loud. They are truly not content until whatever noise they are making is perforating ear drums within a 1km radius. In the cinema the walls, floors and seats vibrate with the sound. At temples, there are bells, drums and singers blaring out from 6am onwards.

Most of it you learn to deal with, for example I can almost sleep through the bells and drums coming from the temple opposite my apartment.

One of the other things you learn to live with is the frequent power cuts, which usually happen at the most inconvenient moments, like when you are taking a shower with water heated by the electric heater. Power cuts are a fact of life though, so you must put up with them.

This morning was different though. Not satisfied with musical instruments, they decided to rig up a PA system right outside my bedroom and start playing old tamil movie songs at full volume. If you are not aware of how tamil songs go, think about the noise a cat would make if you grabbed it’s front legs and tail and tried to pull it apart. Quite simply the women singers are screeching their lungs out, sometimes so high pitch you lose it for a few seconds as is goes out of human hearing before coming back again. To Tamil’s, this is beautiful music. To the rest of the world it’s torture.

So, this kind of ultra-sonic noise is blaring out at 9am on Sunday morning. Half of me was relieved I decided to have a quiet night in and didn’t have a hangover to nurse with this audible torture going on, the other half was praying to the Hindu  Gods (anyone that was listening would do) for a power cut to stop this painful music.

Well, not one for believing in miracles, not 5 minutes after I asked for a power cut, I was duly granted one and peace and harmony returned to the streets of Chennai. Peace and harmony that admittedly includes the constant sound of horns, drums, bells, children shouting, planes flying overhead, men shouting at one another, building works and goodness knows what else. But at least there weren’t any ladies singing.

This post is in part inspired by one of the interns working at Agriya, he rides around Chennai on a scooter (clearly the heat has got to him, is he mad?!) and written about his experiences here.

So, it has inspired me to tell you all about the Chennai traffic rules.

First off, there are basically two official ways of getting a driving license in India:

• For those that don’t want to learn how to read, you take a practical driving test
• For those that don’t want to learn how to drive, you take a theoretical test

Incidently there is a third, and far more popular method of “who needs a license?”.

Anyway, intrigued by what it takes to pass the theoretical test so I can get a license in Chennai, I did some digging and asked around. I used the traditional method of bribing the cops for the information I desired.

After much hunting, and now $1.38 out of pocket, I finally managed to get my hands on the answers to Chennai’s driving test. I’m putting it up here for you all to see, but I don’t know how long I can keep it up here for, they may demand that I remove it tomorrow.

Chennai Theoretical Driving Test Answers

1. What is the speed limit in built up areas?

As fast as your vehicle can go

 
2. When turning left, what procedure should you use?

Lean your elbow on the horn and look straight ahead
 
3. When you have missed your turning, what action should you take?

Conduct an emergency stop and put the car in to reverse. Ensure that you look straight ahead while leaning one elbow on the horn
 
4. When is it not appropriate to use your horn?

Trick question. It is always appropriate to use your horn
 
5. When you wish to pass a vehicle, what procedure do you follow?

Get as close to the vehicle as possible and lean your elbow on the horn,then decide whether you have enough room to pass to the left or the right
 
6. A vehicle behind you wishes to pass you, what do you do?

Lean your elbow on the horn
 
7. You wish to overtake on a blind bend, what procedures must you follow?

Lean your elbow on the horn and try and go out as far as you can in to the oncoming lane to see if anything is coming
 
8. What does a red traffic light signify?

Check for cops, lean your elbow on the horn and start edging out until you think you can make it across
 
9. What is the correct procedure for turning right at a busy junction?

Lean your elbow on the horn, and speed up to turn right as fast as possible
 
10. What is the correct gear to pull off in?

Second gear, while leaning your elbow on the horn
 
11. When lost, what procedure should you follow?

Lean your elbow on the horn, set your speed to 30mph, pull up along side a thieving auto driving, lean across and wind down the passenger window and ask for directions. Ensure your right elbow is leant against the horn at all times while gestering with your left hand.
 
12. You see a girl walking down the street wearing jeans, what do you do?

Lean your elbow on the horn and stare at her until you can no longer see her out of your rear window
 
13. What is the purpose of the rear view mirror?

To hang CD’s from
 
14. Where is the correct place for the ornamental tissue box?

The parcel shelf
 
15. What is it important to remember while reversing?

Lean your elbow on the horn and look straight forward
 
16. You notice that the tread on one of your tyres is completely bald. What urgent action do you take?

Check to make sure your horn is working
 
17. Who has right of way at a junction?

Whoever has the loudest horn
 
18. Everyone who is turning right at the junction is blocking the road ahead. You want to turn left. What should you do?

Lean your elbow on the horn, and drive slowly along the pavement
 
19. At night time, what two things is it important to remember?

Sound your horn every 10 seconds and set your lights to full beam so you can see and hear on coming traffic
 
20. You discover that your horn is broken, what do you do?

Walk to work

As I said, these answers are top secret, and I could be found out at any time. To any Chennaites reading this, I hope it serves you well and good luck with your test!

Just had a shave (shave yourself, in India? No way!) and noticed that when I smile (which is apparently all the time), I have big lines extending from the corners of my eyes.

I’m getting old! Or, my preferred reason, the humidity and pollution in Chennai is sucking my skin dry of moisture, causing these laughter lines.

Either way. Feeling so sad