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March 17th, 2008 |
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There are many ways to tell you are in India. One way is to go up a local and ask where you are. If they say 300 Rupees, you know you are in India. But what if you find yourself suddenly geographically challenged and can’t find a handy local to determine your whereabouts?
This is where my handy little guide will come in handy, titled…You Know You Are India When…
- A Honda or Skoda is considered a premium luxury brand
- The tuk-tuk driver demands Rs 150 for a trip that you know should cost Rs 70. But you end up taking anyway because you just spent the last ten minutes trying to explain where you want to go to and haven’t the energy to do it all over again
- Over-taking on a blind bend is considered a skill rather than reckless driving
- They drive a bus through a gap in the traffic you wouldn’t even take a bike through
- The correct lane to be in for turning left or right is where ever your car is at the time
- It is the job of people behind you to get out of the way when reversing and you absolutely should not look out the back window when going backwards (for this reason every vehicle is fitted with some tacky tune that plays whenever it reverses :D)
- Traffic rules are merely polite suggestions
- Every other question is about food
- You’ve put on 10kg of weight since coming out to India and fitting comfortably in to your size 34″ waist jeans is but a distant memory, and someone remarks that you are looking too lean
- You are laughed at because the girl you happen to think is pretty and attractive is considered to not be fat enough
- Every successful film is about finding true love and following your heart, but in real life ‘love’ is not enough to justify a marriage
- Arranged marriages actually start to make some sense as the whole boy meets girl thing is taken care of for you and you can get on with the rest of your life (doesn’t mean you agree with it though!)
- You can accurately guess the plot of every Indian movie that’s ever been, currently popular and will ever be made simply by stating “boy meets girl and there’s a wedding at the end”
- You look out the window and it’s day time, you look out the same window five minutes later and it’s pitch black
- You can make artistic pictures by joining up dot-to-dot style all your mosquito bites
- Hanging on to the outside of a bus doing 30 MPH mere inches from the massive tyres with one hand and chatting on your cell-phone with the other is considered an acceptable form of commuting to and from work
- Seat belts are for weenies
- Motor-cycle helmets are for weenies
- They simply don’t believe you that the biggest actors and actresses in India are unheard of in the UK outside the Indian community
- Ditto for the films
- Cricket actually starts to make some sense!
- Rice and curry for breakfast isn’t in the least bit unusual
- It takes 4 guards with whistles to help you reverse out of a parking space
- It hasn’t rained for 4.6 billion years, but when it does, mother nature attempts to dump the entire Indian ocean in just 2 hours
- You see another white person in the pub and they suddenly become your best friend
- Every Indian that you meet in the pub is in the film industry
- Any Indian reading this light hearted and tongue in cheek article is offended and angry that I should write such a thing
Got anything else to add?! Let me know! I’ve promised the guys in the office we’ll do a “You Know You’re in England When…” post if they can come up with enough funny suggestions!
Posted in India |
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